Soulmate Dance answers the reader question: Do Soulmates Ever Just Walk Away

Do Soulmates Ever Just Walk Away?

Anne Wade Divorce, Breakups, and Losing the One You Love 4 Comments

Soulmate Dance answers the reader question: Do Soulmates Ever Just Walk AwayReader Question: Do soulmates ever just walk away? I met a man who says he believes we are soulmates, but that he is just not ready to settle down and be in a relationship. He says he doesn't believe he will ever find another person he is as connected with, but he's just not ready. Can soulmates just walk away or is destiny involved?

How very wise, kind, and courageous of this man to recognize he is not ready.

We All Are Human Soulmates

When we hear the word “soulmates,” nearly all of us think of a deeply-connected romantic partner. Yet the truth is soulmates come together for many reasons, only one of which is romantic love. Underlying everything we think about soulmates is a bigger picture, one that begins with unconditional non-romantic love including the love to set someone free.

Soulmates play a much more significant role in our lives than most of us have been taught. Each and every person who shows up in your life, “good” or “bad,” whether they stay for a long-term relationship or only make a brief appearance, is a soulmate. How do you know?  They bumped into you in some way, and like a cosmic game of billiards that bumping altered your course in some way. The stranger on the street who brightened your day with a random smile, the boyfriend who dumped you clearing the way for you to find your true love, the parent who nurtured you, the parent who taunted you, the pet who stayed true through thick and thin, the gal pal you can call at 2:00 am, the gal pal who stole your boyfriend and your favorite dress. They are soulmates, one and all, fulfilling the true purpose of soulmates which is to assist us in our awakening and guide us toward our ultimate reunion with Source. Each person we “bump into” in life affects us in some way. That is what souls in human form do for one another. Romantic love is only one way to experience the soulmate relationship, yet every soulmate encounter helps prepare us for that ultimate love.

Destiny vs. Free Will

Even though soulmates agreed before birth to assist each other in this life (destiny), once they are born as humans a new element enters the picture – free will. Our awakening and reunion only has value if it is the result of free will – our own and those we encounter.

When soulmates of all kinds meet, anything that still needs healing WILL come up between them. Some will be ready. Others will feel unready and believe they still have personal work to do (or more wild oats to sow) in order to be fully present and participatory in a soul-oriented relationship. Some will be afraid to be that connected with another no matter how badly they may crave it. Still others will feel ready and eager only to be rocked by the healing opportunities that present themselves. In each case, your job is to love unconditionally. When we know to expect that, we can be better prepared to observe and learn and to lovingly let go if necessary.

Should I wait? 

Will he come back?  Who knows.  Allow him to do whatever he feels he needs to do, then go on with your own life, doing what is best for you, welcoming love wherever it appears. If he comes back, you will both be more ready.  If not, trust that you will meet someone who is ready.

Forgiveness

No matter what the outcome, forgiving him and you is the most important aspect of this encounter.

True forgiveness has three phases:

1. Cut the cords that ensnare you. Release the other person from what they did and yourself from the feelings you are carrying as a result.

2. Allow yourself to feel completely neutral about what happened. It happened and it’s over, in the past, and it’s OK for it to stay there. Don't dredge it up. When it bubbles to surface in thought or conversation, acknowledge it and gently but firmly change the subject.

3. Find something, anything from the experience to be grateful about.

Forgiving clears the path to the love you really want.  Because the good news is we can have many soulmates.

 

Finding it hard to forgive?  Claim your free Forgiveness Guide.

For more information on meeting other soulmates see "Soulmate and Soul Twins - What's the Difference?" and "The Many Types of Soulmates"

 

 

Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.

Comments 4

  1. I am in a relationship with someone who is still friends with his supposed “soulmate”. He claims that they are just friends now and nothing more but I can’t help but feel bothered by it, because I know that if he was single again and she wanted to make it work with him, he would accept it. I love him and I want to make our relationship work but I’m not sure I can accept this.

  2. Jonathan,

    After 24 years as I couples counselor. I sometimes think I’ve heard it all. I was moved to respond to your question, as it is a common dilemma…believe it or not.

    Although I hear the pain about the situation, a soulmate would never involve you in a triangle of abuse like this. When someone is involved in an abusive relationship and doesn’t have the strength to leave on their own, they often find a third person to “help” them leave by having an affair. Usually, this is not something people do consciously or with intention to be hurtful to you. She was just desperate.

    Unfortunately for both of you, she let him back in and almost lost her life. This is VERY common in ongoing abusive relationships. Violence escalates because the abuser is fearful and desperate. It is also extremely common that once she became free of the abusive husband, she lost interest in you. It is then you see her real personality.

    To answer your question about why you could leave someone you thought was your soulmate and whom you truly loved, I would suspect that you realized that she is not the woman you thought she was. You are finally seeing her as she is.

    I understand you are blaming yourself for getting involved in the first place. I understand how compelling that immediate rapport was that you had when you first met. Unfortunately, your heart was engaged, but your head wasn’t. To cross the line into romance with someone who is not truly available, is something I would encourage you to examine closely, but gently.

    As a “counselor” yourself, you must understand that love at first sight is often infatuation, lust, or a pure projection of some unresolved issues we carry and place on the object of our interest. As Jungian analyst, Robert A. Johnson, says, “To fall in love is to project the most noble and infinitely valuable part of one’s being onto another human being.” Think about what you really loved and valued about her. Your task now is to claim back the power of what you projected onto here and own or develop that in yourself.

  3. I have previously truly met my soulmate.The first time I met her It felt like I had known her forever. We became best friends and eventually crossed that line into romance. The problem? She was married and in the process of getting divorced. We still stayed together and everything seemed perfect. Well, something happened that changed the both of us. She ended up feeling bad and let her soon to be ex husband back in the spare bedroom at the house. Her daughter persuaded her to do this. The thing was it really was his house. She wasn’t even on the deed of the house. This guy was very abusive, especially physically. One night, he ended up attacking her, while their daughter was in the house. He tried to slit her throat but luckily, the necklace I bought her stoppedthe knife from slashing her. He did stab her many times, in the hands and legs. She could of died. TThat’s not all. He burned the house down too. So her and her two kids lost everything due to his blowup. He does have mental illness but he planned this out. He is on his way to prison for a long time. Anyway, ever since this happened I have had resentment towards her for lying to me aboutl letting him back in the house. But, a part of me feels this is all my fault for getting involved with her. She is not the same person that I met 3 years ago. She is cold and doesn’t show a lot of emotion. Being a counselor, I understand she will be emotionally damaged because she almost lost her life and did, lose her home and everything in it. After fighting last week, I woke up one morning, packed my stuff and moved out. She told me she may never be happy ever again in her life.I admit, I have not been there for her all the time like I used to be. The resentment I had for her because of her lying to me caused me to push myself away and be bitter. My. Question is if I truly loved her and she really was my soulmate, then why did I leave and not look back. Its been one week since we have talked (the longest we have ever went without talking) Now I am starting to feel a lot of sadness and guilt. I miss her so much but I’m trying to understand how two people who were so in love, can just say goodbye one day? In my heart, I know I will never love someone as much as I loved her. I wanted to spend my life with her but I think since she hasn’t been officially divorced yet, it made me more bitter. I would appreciate any advice. I not only lost my soulmate but I lost my best friend. But I CHOSE to leave, not her

  4. Post
    Author

    Shortly after posting this question and answer, a comment came in via PM that raises an excellent question – “A lot of people are reluctant to give up the definition of a soulmate as always being romantic. They are not happy that a soulmate could cause pain in your life.”

    Response: Thankfully, there is no need to give up the traditional definition. There is also no need to limit soulmates to that narrow definition.

    Human life is full of dualities and dimensions. It is the pain that shows us how to recognize and treasure the non-pain. It is through experiencing non-love that we learn what love really is…and isn’t.

    The people who bring pain into our lives do us a great service, kind of like our parents disciplining us as children. We don’t like it one bit in the moment, but become better people because they loved us enough to discipline us.

    The same is true of soulmates.

    Your romantic love will be richer and more treasured because other soulmates have shown you the contrasts.

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