“I used to believe my soulmate was out there, but after yet another breakup, I’m not so sure and I’m tired of being hurt so much. I don’t think love will never find me or I maybe won’t know it if it does. How can I go into yet another relationship fully open and present, but still be prepared for loss? How did you guys know?”
Those are the words of a dear friend. Breaking up, even if it is your own idea, is painful. It’s really hard to watch something that was once bright and shiny and hopeful turn into something else. There are really only two ways to deal with it. And no, hiding under a rock or hiring a hit man are not on the list.
One way is to stop putting yourself in that position. You could simply avoid new relationships, but it’s important to remember that breakups can occur in any relationship, friends and family as well as lovers. So that option pretty much requires that you become a hermit.
Putting Breakup Emotions to Good Use
The other is to make better use of those breakup emotions so they make you stronger and better, a lot like the body uses fever – unpleasant in the short term, but healthier when it’s done.
Kissing frogs (or frogettes) is a key part of figuring out who you are, which is the foundation of recognizing your soulmate when s/he does come along. Finding your soulmate requires that you first become the mate the other half of your soul is looking to find. Even if you have been working on yourself forever, there are subtle differences in working on your soulmate self. For example, your single self may be perfectly happy with present habits and hangouts that would be a stumbling block to your soulmate. By hanging on to those habits and hangouts, you are hiding, even if you are in plain sight.
Stop kissing frogs (or frogettes) and find your soulmate. Click >>>Here <<< to find out how.
Regardless of the specific breakup circumstances, you must begin with forgiving yourself. When a relationship ends, especially if it is our own, we can be so quick to judge. And when we see someone, including ourselves, falling in and out of love a lot we tend to think their life is a wreck or they are just plain reckless. Not so fast! Attraction to that frog or frogette happened because they displayed at least one characteristic you want in your soulmate. Or perhaps they came into your life to strengthen or teach a quality you want to boost. This frog(ette) may also have come to teach you how to avoid a characteristic you are susceptible to and want to steer clear of. Regardless, the chemistry was real; we just need to discover what that chemistry was really all about and use it to hone ourselves.
An annoying frog may be teaching you patience. A cheating frogette may be teaching you to value yourself. A childish frog may be teaching you to lighten up. A frogette interested in everything may be helping you expand your interests. A mean frog may be teaching you kindness. The list goes on and on. Maybe all those “failed” relationships are really big wins, graduate courses in soulmate love each showing you one little piece in preparation for the full picture. Maybe they are gifts for those with the fortitude to go deep into soul development. Maybe like Edison you haven’t failed at all; you’ve simply set free 10,000 people who were courageous enough to appear for a moment to teach and then exit. Both of you risked your own feelings to instruct another. How generous!
Training Wheels Relationships
The failure of one romance or even a dozen doesn’t mean you and The One will never find each other. Instead, all those training-wheel relationships are helping YOU become the mate the other half of your soul wants to find and helping you recognize him/her when it happens.
How will you know him/her? You will feel strong, not weak. You will feel interdependent, not codependent. You will feel appreciated for who you are right now and encouraged to keep growing. You will NOT feel you must change the essence of who you are in order to be with this person. You will feel this to the core of your being, not in some giddy superficial way. There will be a calm center to your excitement. There will be a knowingness that is radically different from anything you’ve known before, and it is in growing yourself that you become able to sense that difference. Each of those near misses is an important part of your own “becoming.”
Finding your soulmate is first and foremost an inside job. The most important step is to look in the mirror at yourself. Clean up your own act, no matter how wonderful you are right now. Ask yourself if you are attractive to that man or woman of your dreams and use that answer to guide you as you grow into that mate your soul is looking to find.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.