The secret to attracting, creating and sustaining an amazing relationship is actually not much of a secret at all and we’ll tell you what it is right now...
Are you ready for it?
The big (not really a) secret is to put conscious effort into making your relationship as happy and close as you can on a daily basis. That’s the real crux of this secret: Boost relationship health every single day. Not just on your anniversary, Valentine’s Day or other special days.
If it feels overwhelming to you to add one more thing to your already full list of responsibilities, let us make it simple for you. Focus in on the way you communicate. Not just the way you communicate with your partner when you’re hashing out a disagreement, look at the way you usually talk about your partner to yourself and to others. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself and how you talk with your beloved as well.
It really does matter!
When you habitually use words (or think them) that dismiss, degrade, disrespect or dwell in resentment, that’s what you’re putting into your relationship. That’s what you’re going to experience more of in your own and your partner’s behavior too.
This is not conducive to connection and happiness. It’s always to your benefit to stop when you hear yourself thinking or saying something angry, judgmental or doubtful and get clear. Get clear about what the truth is in this situation and invite yourself to talk about it in a new way.
We call this technique the “thought flip.” It can be useful when you’re stuck in a negative pattern with your partner (or about your partner). Remember, this is not a way to avoid reality, but a way to look at reality with an openness to solutions and love.
A thought flip involves taking a statement you continue to make that inflames the tension and conflict within you and between you and your partner and to flip it around. When you do a thought flip, you discover a brand new way to see a challenge and it’s this new perspective that allows you to move closer to your partner again.
Here are some examples of how to use a thought flip and move from frustration to exhilaration:
#1: “He doesn’t care” to....
“He seems distracted right now, but I remember all of the times when he has been attentive and loving to me.”
It hurts to feel ignored or as if what’s important to you doesn’t matter to your beloved. It’s far too easy to get caught up in that hurt and to only see the ways that your partner is neglecting or dismissing you.
This thought flip allows you to acknowledge what’s going on and how you’re feeling now without generalizing about your partner’s behavior and negating what he (or she) has said or done on other occasions. When you acknowledge that your partner isn’t always distracted or insensitive, you are more open to getting the attention and validation you desire-- from him, from yourself or from another support person in your life.
#2: “I’m so alone” to...
“I’m craving company right now.”
Feeling all alone can happen whether you’re single or in a committed relationship. It can come up when your partner has emotionally shut you out and also when you’re closed down because the moment feels too vulnerable or uncomfortable.
The mind has a tendency to take a lonely moment and turn it into some kind of statement or judgment on your entire relationship or your whole life (and your future too). This thought flip helps you shift out of feeling like a hopeless victim and into a place where you can really listen to and honor your need for connection with another person-- maybe your partner or a friend.
#3: “She always has to be right” to...
“I feel strongly about this and so does she. Where do our ideas overlap?”
Of course, it’s not just women who are accused of having to be “right,” but it often is. When your partner seems to be stubborn and rigid about what she wants and how things “have” to be, it IS frustrating and makes it difficult to work through a disagreement together.
When you keep telling yourself (and maybe your friends too) that “She always has to be right,” you are only deepening the rigidity by reacting with your own. This is the perfect time to take a deep breath and go for a thought flip. Think back to what your partner has actually said-- literally. Really consider the position your partner is sticking so intensely to and find the places where you two actually agree.
You don’t have to sacrifice what’s most important to you in order to regain the peace, but you do have to loosen your own stubbornness and take a step toward cooperation.
And it all starts when you shift your thoughts.
Flip your thoughts, change your words, and get realtionship magic. >>>Click Here<<<
Susie and Otto Collins are married soul mates and on a mission to share that passion and spark don’t have to die, whether you’ve been together for 5 months or 50 years. As certified Transformative coaches, authors, and speakers, they are passionate about making this world a more loving place by helping people understand how life and love really work.
Since 1999, they’ve been teaching practical, easy ways to find and keep passion strong and alive throughout the years, how to communicate with love, openness and compassion even when it’s tough, how to stay connected even when life throws challenges your way and how to leave with grace.
Together, they are the authors of Magic Relationship Words, Stop Talking On Eggshells, Should You Stay or Should You Go, No More Jealousy, Relationship Trust Turnaround and many other programs.
Otto has just released his book about healing his relationship with his father called Preaching to Monkeys which can be found on Amazon.
For a free audio for fathers, sons, and the people who love them, go to ottocollins.com.
Get their free ebook Relationship Reverse Right Now at SusieandOtto.com.