Do you dread talking to that friend you have who is obnoxiously in love? She just found her soulmate and you can't help but compare how her relationship seems so amazing while yours is so average. Sure, you love your spouse or partner and you wouldn't consider ending this relationship, but you just wish there was more.
- You yearn for the passion and intensity of a soulmate relationship.
- You want to experience that sense of “getting” one another with no explanation needed.
- You wish you felt a deep soul-level connection with the person you've already built a relationship with.
There are different beliefs about exactly what a soulmate relationship is. Some consider soulmates to be “essence twins” or those who have shared past lives together. Others believe that soulmates come together to learn specific lessons.
We are soulmates, and early on in our relationship, we recognized this in a very spiritual way. However, all soulmate relationships are not identical. Some take time to develop instead of an instant awareness. Some soulmate relationships actually aren't very healthy. (Want to know why? Read The Many Types of Soulmates)
Too often, people get so hung up on the question, “Is this my soulmate?” that they miss the opportunity to fully experience the relationship that's happening now. They discount fulfilling and joyful moments because they 're spending so much time critically dissecting the relationship looking for signs to support or dispute that looming question.
If hearing, reading or thinking about soulmates leaves you feeling disappointed and depressed because your relationship seems far from the image you have in mind, take heart.
You can transform your relationship and open up to a deeper passion, connection and intimacy. Or, as Richard Bach describes, you can be for each other “keys to fit our locks” and “locks to fit our keys.”
Perhaps one of the biggest myths about a soulmate relationship is that it should be instant and automatic. Couples get into trouble when they assume that they don't have to put in any effort because they're soulmates and they've found each other.
The truth is, whether it's a conventional relationship or a soulmate relationship, a relationship is always in progress.
This is not only an important aspect of keeping love, passion, and connection alive, it's the key to transforming what you see as an “average” and “ordinary” relationship into a soulmate relationship.
Here are 3 ways to transform your relationship into a soulmate relationship:
1. Intentionally Invite More
Place your focus less on the question, “But are we soulmates?” and more on what you're craving and desiring. Get to the heart of what you want to feel and experience in your love relationship or marriage. Make a list if that helps you get clear about your desires.
Be sure that your list (whether it's written down or one you compile in your head) includes what you want more of. A soulmate bond doesn't bloom and grow when the primary emotion is criticism and resentment.
Phrase what you want to invite into your relationship in the positive. Instead of, “Our lovemaking has never been all that exciting” affirm to yourself, “I am excited about giving and receiving more pleasure when we make love.”
Once you 're focused on what it is you do want, make a conscious choice to speak, act and think in ways that invite it in.
2. Act As If
Another way to cultivate a soulmate relationship, is to play pretend. Remember, playing pretend isn't the same as denying unhealthy habits that you and your partner need to change. This is about finding a way to act as if you already have a soulmate relationship...
And to do so in believable ways.
Imagine how you would be when you're with your partner (and also when you two are physically apart) if there was no question in your mind that you are soulmates.
Would you text “I love you” messages in the middle of the day?
Would you offer a back rub before going to bed at night?
Would you stop and really listen when your love is talking to you?
These are very simple things that don't take much time or pre-planning and don't cost a thing. They are also the backbone of what it takes to keep a soulmate relationship thriving.
Start acting like you two are soulmates and watch what happens.
3. Savor Soulmate Moments
When you feel an inkling of pleasure or depth of connection with your partner, pause and really take it in.
This is happening now and it's a wonderful thing!
The more you savor the soulmate moments you two are having-- whether they are spontaneous or somehow planned out in advance-- the more likely you'll be to experience more of them.
THIS is what being in a soulmate relationship is all about, so recognize what's already amazing about your relationship and celebrate it!
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