If you’re navigating the sometimes tricky waters of a love relationship, this question may be running through your mind: “Do soulmates get jealous?”
You probably have certain expectations of what it should be like when you’re with your soulmate. You probably have an image of the two of you talking, spending time together and being intimate and that can be a wonderful thing...
Except when your image conflicts with what you’re living and actually experiencing.
When you feel jealous or your partner gets jealous, this doesn’t fit your idea of the way soulmates are with each other. Soulmates should always feel completely at home, fully engaged and deeply trusting of one another, right?
Well, not necessarily.
Jealousy can come up in any relationship-- including one between soulmates. The sooner you recognize jealousy, the more effective you’ll be at overcoming it and getting back to the delicious relationship you’re creating together.
When you realize that you feel worried or fearful that your beloved will leave you for another and you get jealous when he or she talks to or spends time with others, that’s jealousy. When your partner checks up on you and interrogates you about every second of your day, that’s jealousy.
Jealousy can be silent or it can be very loud and argumentative. Be willing to identify the way jealousy shows up in your relationship and then start taking steps to turn it around.
Here are a few common signs of jealousy (in yourself or your partner)....
- Anxiety when you’re apart and/or with others.
- Urge to spy (check cell phone, follow, stalk Facebook page, etc.).
- Interrogation about time spent apart that goes beyond curiosity.
- Possessiveness/insistence that you two spend all free time together.
- Frequent worries that you/your partner will lie, cheat and leave the relationship.
Some of these behaviors may show up in mild forms and are merely indications that you are enjoying being together and want to spend even more time together. The difference is, when you are jealous (or your partner is), the motivation is not enjoyment, but fear.
Just because jealousy is present in your relationship, it doesn’t mean the two of you aren’t soulmates or even that your relationship is doomed. It does mean that you’re developing some dangerous habits that can ruin your relationship if you let that happen.
Acknowledge the role you play in the jealous dance.
Every single couple-- including soulmates-- have a regular dance they do together. This is a lovely way to talk about relationship dynamics that can be far from lovely, loving or kind!
What does the “jealousy dance” look like that you and your partner do?
It’s likely that your comments, reactions, actions and the way you two move apart and/or clash are similar. Recognizing the pattern to your “jealousy dance” is the key to learning something new and making that your usual habit instead.
For instance, when you two are out together and you believe your man is looking “too long” at other women, what do you frequently say? Maybe he usually reacts to what you say in a defensive or hostile way which you then react to with hostility of your own. It becomes a miserable cycle. You and your soulmate have what amounts to the very same argument again and again and this takes you further apart.
To make matters worse, you can’t understand why this situation would even come up because you two are soulmates. You think to yourself, “This shouldn't happen, should it?!”
When you see the way you participate in the “jealousy dance” that you two do, you can then start to stop making the same kind of comments you usually do. You can pause and find new “steps” to take which positively influence your partner to respond differently too.
To acknowledge your role in the “jealousy dance” does NOT mean you are condoning your partner’s behavior which is questionable or clearly not okay. You can still talk about things like flirting, texting with an ex, looking “too long” at others or whatever is troubling you.
When you choose to “dance” differently, however, you open the door to a whole new level of communication and connection-- one that you’re going to want to repeat!
Create conscious agreements for calm, clarity and connection.
It's possible that there are some very real situations going on right now in your relationship that are triggering jealousy. Again, soulmates are not immune to behaviors that weaken trust or stir up questions about commitment.
It's important to identify exactly what it is that your partner is saying or doing that you believe is breaking trust or that you would like him or her to change. Be sure that you're seeing with present-focused vision and not skewing what's happening now because of a betrayal or disappointment you experienced in the past.
Once you know exactly what it is that is triggering your jealousy and also what you would like your partner to say or do instead, then make a request. Ask your partner to create an agreement with you about this issue or situation.
Because soulmates often have a deeper knowing about one another, don't make the mistake of assuming he or she can “read” your mind. Be clear and affirmative about what you want. Speak it out loud and in non-blaming ways.
When you ask your partner to make an agreement in a way that keeps him or her open, then you're on your way to a resolution that not only supports you in easing jealousy, but one that also brings you two closer together.
Use these magic relationship words to get through bouts of jealousy. >>>Click Here<<<
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches, authors and speakers who have worked with hundreds of people just like you who struggle with jealousy and want happier, more connected relationships. They offer more advice you can use to overcome jealousy at www.nomorejealousy.com
Susie and Otto Collins are married soul mates and on a mission to share that passion and spark don’t have to die, whether you’ve been together for 5 months or 50 years. As certified Transformative coaches, authors, and speakers, they are passionate about making this world a more loving place by helping people understand how life and love really work.
Since 1999, they’ve been teaching practical, easy ways to find and keep passion strong and alive throughout the years, how to communicate with love, openness and compassion even when it’s tough, how to stay connected even when life throws challenges your way and how to leave with grace.
Together, they are the authors of Magic Relationship Words, Stop Talking On Eggshells, Should You Stay or Should You Go, No More Jealousy, Relationship Trust Turnaround and many other programs.
Otto has just released his book about healing his relationship with his father called Preaching to Monkeys which can be found on Amazon.
For a free audio for fathers, sons, and the people who love them, go to ottocollins.com.
Get their free ebook Relationship Reverse Right Now at SusieandOtto.com.