Best Dating Lesson I Ever Learned

The Best Dating Lesson I Ever Learned

Jodi Riley Marriage, Dating, and Relationship Building 0 Comments

Best Dating Lesson I Ever LearnedBack in 2004, I found myself tossed back into the dating world majorly unprepared for the task at hand and woefully unaware of the changes that had taken place since I last had to date. I quickly had to get up to speed on how to date and the new dating paradigm I was hearing about.

It’s not about the fish it’s the location and the bait.

“I want someone who will accept me just for who I am.” I hear this sentence from many people. I’ve even said it myself. However, many of those same people are not attracted to the person who will accept them for who they are, they are looking for someone completely different. This is where their frustration sets in. I find myself using fishing analogies… a lot. If you are fishing for tarpon, you must fish in the ocean with the right sort of salt water bait. If you are fishing for bass, you must fish in fresh water with fresh water bait. Most people want to catch the tarpon but they want to fish in the pond behind their house. That does not work. Sometimes people even realize they have to go to the ocean for tarpon, but they continue to use the bait they would use for bass. That does not work either. Many get upset and blame the fish. (All the fish in this pond/ocean suck!) Sound familiar?

But what do you want?

I wanted someone who would accept me for who I was, but the men I was attracted to never stuck around or never asked me out in the first place. I began to realize, I wasn’t attracting the kind of man I desired because I was not yet attractive to him. Ouch. That one stung for a minute. I’m not talking about physical appearance here at all. What I am talking about is values, interests, characteristics, behavior, substance. I began to realize the reason I wasn’t attractive to the person I was looking to date was because I didn’t know what appealed to that person. It occurred to me that I need to know more about him, if I was going to attract him.

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Doing my homework

I realized I wasn’t going to attract my soulmate until I was the kind of person he would want to date, so I started researching to figure out what he was looking for in a soulmate. I found I had a bit more self- work to do before I was ready for my guy. Once I knew what I needed to work on, I did my part and let the Universe take care of the rest.

You have a choice.

What I learned is that, as with everything in life, we have a choice in our romantic lives. You can choose to be exactly as you are and date those people you are attracting or you can tweak your own life to become attractive to the kind of person you would like to date. Decide what it is you want and start from there. Make a list of what your ideal mate is looking for in a person to date and compare it with who you are. Be really honest about where you match and where you don’t match and start working on those things. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you begin attracting new people into your life.

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Jodi Riley, Dating and Happiness Mentor, is the founder of the 5 Steps for Better Living System and the host of the weekly dating and relating radio show MOD Love. To connect with her, visit www.jodiriley.com.

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