Reader Question: What if the person you believe is your soulmate doesn't believe in soulmates? Does that mean you won't have a soulmate relationship with that person? Are you not compatible?
When you sit in a chair, chances are it will hold you up whether or not you believe in the concept of chairs.
The same is true of soulmates.
It is an inescapable truth that we are all human soulmates. Soulmates come in many varieties and flavors, all helping each other find our way home to the unconditional love that is our birthright. The “definition” has gotten tangled and confused thanks largely to movies and TV, but that core truth remains unchanged. Soul doesn’t need for us to believe in soulmates; they exist with or without our belief.
Romantic love is one of the most emotionally charged forms of human love so it’s only natural that it becomes surrounded by stories and myths and misconceptions. The mythology that has sprung up around romantic soulmates is like any other half truth: There’s enough accuracy in it to make it plausible and enough false information to make it doubtful.
What we experience with romantic mates is a sense of Oneness and that quest for Oneness is the driving force of human life. Some people will get that feeling from their child or a parent or even a dear friend, but romantic love remains the pinnacle for most of us.
Feeling chemistry and connection with another person gives us a glimpse of the divine Oneness our souls are seeking. We just “click” with that person and revel in the moment. The catch is some of those moments are meant to be transitory, but we love the feeling so much that we cling to them even when the relationship itself has run its course or becomes disappointing or painful.
And that’s OK, too. Life experiences are made up of every kind of duality imaginable, and it’s the contrast showcased through that duality that helps us hone our beliefs and actions. Sometimes we learn how to love through loving relationships. In other cases, we learn what love is not through painful or disappointing relationships. Either way, we are clearing our way and opening to the giving and receiving of more love and more satisfying love.
So it doesn’t really matter whether or not your Beloved believes in soulmates. They exist with or without the beliefs of individuals.
But there is a very import question in here: How do you feel about yourself in this relationship?
When my girls, now married adults with kids and mortgages of their own, were reaching dating age, I laid down one rule: Never ask if I like this boy. Ask if I like who you are with this boy in your life.
Though it probably feels important, concern for whether or not your Beloved believes in soulmates is just a stand-in for how you feel in this person’s presence. Do you feel magnified? Do you feel like you are discovering yourself in new ways or discovering new things about yourself? Do you feel like some rough emotional edges are being smoothed out? Some old “bad” habits are being ditched and some that serve you better are being adopted? Do you value the new habits you are acquiring and feel relived of the old habits you are jettisoning? Or do you feel like you are pushing a huge rock up a steep hill? (My mother preferred the analogy of trying to push a wet noodle up a hill.)
All of those feelings ultimately work in your favor. You can do it the easy way or the hard way (which are relative and imaginary, by the way), but do it you will because reunion with unconditional love and the Oneness is the one and only purpose of human life. Our souls agreed to inhabit this human incubator before birth and our free will gives us whatever experiences we need in each and every moment.
This may or may not apply to you and your situation, but it feels important to say. Consciously questing people, Seekers, often struggle with relationships. They are often well-liked, but their friends lament their messy relationships, especially their romantic relationships. They are accused of having no discernment. They easily feel chemistry and quickly connect because they are already intuitively and subconsciously in tune with the concept of Oneness. They crave the feeling of Oneness like a junky craves drugs and their free will obligingly takes them through a jungle of human connections. And it all leads home.
Having expectations about what your Beloved believes isn’t the same as being compatible. Being well-suited can mean many things – complementary temperaments, shared values and interests, companionable. Only you know if sharing that definition is a deal-breaker for you.
Your life, every life, is purpose driven and that purpose is to find our way home again. Some folks call that Heaven. Others call it Source or the Oneness or Unconditional Love. It doesn’t matter. A rose by any other name...
And your Beloved is here to help you find your way, regardless of his or her beliefs. Regardless of whether this relationships lasts a minute or a lifetime. We all are human soulmates.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.