Question: I don't like your definition of soulmates and am not ready to give up my definition (which I think most people share) of a soulmate as always being romantic. I am not at all happy that you say a soulmate could cause pain in my life. I thought the whole purpose of finding a soulmate was to get past the pain and find happiness! Please give me back my happy definition!
Response: Thankfully, there is no need to give up the traditional definition. There is also no need to limit soulmates to that narrow definition.
Soulmates love us so much they will literally do whatever it takes to help us evolve and awaken, and the truth is we sometimes learn best through pain or adversity or even repeating "mistakes" until we get it. An example you've probably heard a million times is the toddler who learns not to touch a hot stove by touching, and getting burned by, a hot stove even though mom had warned him. The experience was a far better teacher than mom's words. So even if you are on a spiritual path, reading everything you can find, and even working with a fantastic coach, sometimes experience is the best teacher. It just proves the old saying, "Lesson in life are repeated, in their entity, until learned." If you don't believe me, just watch the movie Groundhog Day!
Human life is full of dualities and dimensions. It is the pain that shows us how to recognize and treasure the non-pain. It is through experiencing non-love that we learn what love really is...and isn't. As we grow and evolve and return to the Oneness, we need less and less duality, but it's the duality that shows us the way. Yes, it's a conundrum, but isn't much of life?
The people who bring pain into our lives do us a great service, much like our parents did when they disciplined us as children. We didn't like it one bit in the moment, but become better people because they loved us enough to teach us. The same is true of becoming the mate the other half of your soul is seeking to find.
The same is true of soulmates. And that is why they take many forms and play many parts on our behalf.
Your romantic love will be richer and more treasured because other soulmates have lovingly shown you the contrast.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.