During my 24+ years as a psychotherapist and marriage/couples counselor, and now as the Elite SoulMate Coach, I have witnessed firsthand the longing and struggle of today’s singles and newly single people to find someone to love or with whom to share their lives. Most are genuinely confused as to why this hasn’t happened yet or why their past relationships didn’t work out.
Instead of attracting their SoulMates, they attract “losers,” “users,” “jerks” and “crazies.” “Where are all the nice, decent guys?” “Why do the pretty women seem to go for the bad boys?” I hear their frustration. I empathize with their discouragement and fears of being alone and unfulfilled the rest of their lives. They are emotionally exhausted and frustrated by the dating game and trying to comply with “the rules.”
Indeed, the spirit of the times is changing, and the changes of the times are towards the spiritual. A front page story in the April 2010 USA Today attested to this change. Research claimed that “72 percent of Generation Y agree they are ‘more spiritual than religious.’” We are awakening and exploring other realities, including the final frontier of “inner space.”
What we want in and from our intimate relationships is changing to match this spiritual groundswell. What we wanted and needed in our youth is not what we want and need at midlife or later. As we mature and evolve individually and as a culture, the goal of finding and nurturing romantic love is giving way to the goal of finding a SoulMate for the purpose of spiritual or evolutionary partnership.
Spiritual singles are now looking more for fulfillment and a deeper connection than that of the relationships of their youth or those of earlier generations. Kathryn Woodard Thomas, author of Calling in the One, says, “Relationships have changed more in the past 50 years than they did in the 5,000 years before.” This is significant in that it suggests the speed at which consciousness is evolving and seeking new forms.
Once an esoteric topic, the concept of a SoulMate has exploded in self-help literature. Since 1990 a variety of best-selling books and teleseminars have attracted national and worldwide attention on this topic, including:
- The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav (1990)
- Journey of the Heart: Intimate Relationship and the Path of Love by John Welwood (1990)
- Soulmates: Honoring the Mystery of Love and Relationships by Thomas Moore (1994)
- Soulful Sex: Opening Your Heart, Body & Spirit to Lifelong Passion by Dr. Victoria Lee (1996)
- The SoulMate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction by Arielle Ford (2011)
People are waking up to an inner, spiritual longing for deeper, more meaningful connections that go beyond the economic, emotional and procreative motivations that prompted mating and marriage in earlier times. In short, the desire of today’s singles is not simply for someone to marry, to take care of them financially or emotionally or with whom to raise children; today’s singles desire a more spiritually fulfilling relationship – a SoulMate, not a cellmate, ego-mate or playmate.
Whereas traditional relationships are based on the hope of happiness, security and perpetual romance, SoulMates are the pioneers of human evolution. The “rules” no longer apply. Our journey is the hero’s journey or the heroine’s journey – the grail quest for healing. In the past, people seeking a spiritual path would retreat to a monastery where they could explore the deeper mysteries of life and cleanse their minds of all but what was essential. Today the SoulMate quest is an alternative to the monastery. It is a spiritual path for those who choose to remain engaged in the world. John Welwood, author of Journey of the Heart: Intimate Relationship and the Path of Love, says, “If enough of us can rise to the current challenges of the man/woman relationship, using them as opportunities to peel away illusions, tap our deepest powers, and expand our sense of who we are, we can begin to develop the wisdom our age is lacking.”
No, you don’t have to be perfect or completely healed and whole to manifest your SoulMate, and neither do they. Otherwise what soul-work would you have to do together? You manifested each other to learn vital soul lessons, to grow personally and develop spiritually, to fulfill a higher purpose and to become a channel for Divine love into the world.
Yes, there will be rough times with your SoulMate, especially when you run up against your remaining ego barriers or trigger them in each other. It is how you handle that challenge that characterizes a SoulMate relationship. When you both make the radical commitment to mutual unfolding and being open to the rawness and beauty of life itself, then you know you have met your SoulMate.
This article is excerpted from “How to Manifest Your SoulMate with EFT: Relationship as a Spiritual Path.”
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a master manifester. Elite SoulMate Coach, and author of “How to Manifest Your SoulMate with EFT: Relationship as a Spiritual Path,” Annette shows you how to unleash the power of your mind to manifest the love of your life.