Ask Wikipedia what a soulmate is and receive what sounds like a simple definition: A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.
Most people believe soulmates exist; they just aren’t sure exactly what soulmates are. Stop 10 people on the street and chances are most of them would define “soulmate” as the perfect romantic partner. Probe deeper and some would say we only have one while others think we have many. Still others will wonder if only romantic partners count as soulmates or if there can be other types like bosom buddies. There might even be questions about Twin Souls and Twin Flames.
Underneath all the questions and confusion, however, certain characteristics are consistent. There is a sense of deep connection that happens “instantly.” There’s “chemistry.” There’s a sense of being totally understood and more complete with this person. Have you noticed that this chemistry can happen with any type person, not just lovers? And that those “chemistry” connections can be both “good” and “bad”?
We’ve been hoodwinked by faerie tales and movies into thinking that soulmates are one-dimensional - the perfect romantic relationship - and that when we find our perfect partner our lives will become perfect. We want to believe that true love will create a happily-ever-after relationship that is always in harmony, where no negative emotions or actions can enter, where unconditional love and pure trust rule the day, and the prince and princess ride off into the sunset leaving their troubles behind. While there is some truth in that perspective, the real story is much richer and far more interesting.
A Little History
Plato, Aristophanes, Moses, and a multitude of other writers tell tales of souls that were originally both male and female, yet neither male nor female. These magical mystical beings were male, female, and androgynous or gender neutral, all three together, co-existing in one “body.” As the story goes, at some point those souls were split into separate male and female components. Depending on the writer, the reason could have been that they were becoming too powerful and the gods felt threatened. Or they were being disobedient and needed to be taught a lesson. Or they were gathering karma while playing around on Earth and needed to be cleansed. Regardless of the reason, the souls were split into male and female halves and have forevermore wandered through many incarnations, each half seeking the other.
Many of those same writers also postulate that souls were initially created in groups or “families.” Then each of those souls in our family also split into male and female creating a huge pool – our one soul twin and our larger family of soul mates.
So Just Who Are Our Soulmates?
Our soulmates are members of our soul families. All of them. Despite our traditional perspective which limits soulmates to romantic love, soulmates can include our human family and friends as well as acquaintances and others who just pass through our lives.
Soulmates also include our enemies, victims, and oppressors. We’ve all witnessed the charisma of despots, and if we’re honest, we know we have sometimes been victim and sometimes been victimizer. It’s human nature and an important part of soul evolution.
When a relationship doesn’t work out or even blows up in our face, we may wonder what it was all about. We may even be prone to beating ourselves up, especially if we seem to keep creating the same relationships over and over. There’s a good-for-you reason this is happening. That’s because the real purpose of soulmate relationships is spiritual growth, and it takes both “positive” and “negative” experiences to nudge us in the right direction. Just as in the movie Groundhog Day, lessons in life are repeated, from the beginning, in life after life, until learned. As Bill Murray’s character remembered and applied the lessons, he was able to evolve more in each “incarnation” of his repeated day until finally he was ready to connect with his beloved.
Soulmate families have a very specific common mission. They have agreed to reincarnate together as many times as needed, life after life, so they can help each other pay off their karma or work through their missions. The goal is to help each other re-awaken, to rise spiritually, so they can ultimately each re-join with their soul twin.
The common denominator with soulmates is a strong bond of love, so strong that some souls willingly incarnate into lives which guarantee they will be hateful, horrible people for the benefit of others in their soul family. One of the greatest examples of unconditional soulmate love is Judas Iscariot whose soul “agreed” to perform one of the worst acts known to humans in order to help Jesus fulfill his mission. Jesus could not have fulfilled his own soul’s mission without the heinous act Judas’ soul lovingly performed. You might want to give that a moment to sink in.
You have “connected” with many soulmates in your life, some staying, some passing through, some only speaking a word or two. Each has given you a valuable lesson, a priceless “memory” of who you really are, of your divine self. The beauty is that you can enjoy deep, soul-based, satisfying love relationships with many of these people. We can pleasure in wonderful love relationships with soulmates along the way to that ultimate re-union with our Soul Twin.
What About Twin Souls or Twin Flames?
Many, myself included, believe that we do not reconnect with our soul twin until our final life. Each twin, created when the soul was split into male and female, is whole in and of themselves. They exist separately, independently, weaving in and out of many lives individually until each twin is on the brink of the highest state of human spiritual existence possible. Then they re-unite and move on together beyond our earthly world. It is believed that Soul Twins rarely live simultaneously on earth until their last life when both are nearly ready to “graduate.” In fact, many believe that while one soul twin is having a human experience, the other is assisting from the spirit realm.
How Can I Find My Soulmate?
Good news! They are all around you all the time. They may be lovers or they may be beloveds of other kinds. All you need to do is pay attention, welcome any and all of them, heed the lesson they are bringing, and apply it to both your human life and your spiritual development. Because you don’t find a soulmate. You become the mate your soul is seeking to find. No need to push or force or hunt. In fact, looking outside of yourself only delays the process. The more you learn to give and receive genuine unconditional love in all relationships and situations, the more ready you become for your Soul Twin. The more you are able to feel gratitude for all your soulmates - the “good” and the “bad,” the lovers and beloveds of all kinds - and enjoy each in his/her time, the faster (in human terms) your Soul Twin will return and the more pleasure you will have along the way with all of your soul family. When you moan and lament the absence of a soulmate, you push the love you crave – and your Twin Soul - further away. Gratitude is one of the essential keys.
At this very moment, you may be surrounded by soulmates in lovely non-romantic, but love-based relationships. You’ll know because there is chemistry and attraction and something that feels like familiarity, whether it is a romantic relationship or something else. You job is to recognize it and feel the happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment these relationships bring. Hold them dearly for their time with you, then release them to continue on their own way as you go on yours.
So I Really Can Have More Than One Romantic Soulmate? I Don’t Have to be Afraid of Missing The One?
Absolutely! However, loving someone and craving for someone (fretting and worrying) are two different things altogether. The key is to relax. Enjoy ALL your rich soul-satisfying relationships and learn from ALL the soulmates who come you way. One of the primary types of Soulmates is the Companion Mate (More about that in the next post.) and with them you can have beautiful, rich, connected love relationships. And when you are both ready, you and your Soul Twin will appear to each other and re-unite as if by magic.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.