Why do we create the same relationships over and over? Especially when we are working as hard as we can on ourselves. And especially if we really truly genuinely want loving supportive relationships of all kinds?
Sonia Choquette's splendid 12 step list for forgiveness really got me thinking about this, especially Item 5:
See ALL events as opportunities to grow and mature your soul.
To that I would add "See all events and relationships..." (See the full list below.)
Lessons in life are repeated in their entirety until learned. That's how we remember the path and return to original unconditional love. The way to attract a different partner (lover, friend) is to work on becoming like the partner you want to attract. Nurture in you the qualities and characteristics you want in friends and lovers. It's always an inside job and the people we NEED to help us get there will continue to show up.
And that’s why sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it seems as if the same old relationships keep showing up. That's because there is still something to be gained from that particular experience, some nugget of wisdom and soul healing that we still need to recognize.
Soulmates have long been thought of that perfect romantic partner. If we can magically find this perfect person, then life will be perfect. As nice as that sounds, the truth is that our soulmates serve a much richer purpose. Soulmates are those kindred spirits who show up in our lives to help us grow and evolve and become ready for our beloved. You know them because there is a feeling of instant connection, of chemistry. It can happen with a friend or colleague as well as with a prospective lover. Sometimes they work out beautifully. Sometimes they blow up. Sometimes they simmer. Sometimes they fizzle. Sometimes they are warm and fuzzy. Sometimes they are more like sandpaper, grating on us to bring out the beauty of our grain.
If we can learn to look at each relationship and experience as a gift of enlightenment, we'll begin to see the nuggets of wisdom they are carrying. We’ll begin making shifts within ourselves based on that wisdom. And as we shift, we will attract different people or relate differently to the ones already in our lives. Need a fun example? Watch Bill Murray’s classic movie Groundhog Day. Notice that it takes him a while to realize he can incorporate what he has learned from the previous day and leap over those lessons to whatever comes next.
Remember - It’s these shifts, these gifts from those same old repeated relationships, that get us ready to "graduate" to a new kind of relationship, the one we so crave with our Beloved.
Remember – We are subconsciously inviting them to repeat and there is a true purpose to the repetition. Another way to look at it is that your soul is so hungry for enlightenment that it invites, BEGS, the same relationship to repeat until that bit of enlightenment is internalized.
That's a hard pill to swallow for many, but what a gift! We are so dearly loved that Love itself will continue giving us the same opportunity over and over until we have our Ah-Ha moment. It never gets impatient. It never says "Why didn't you get this the first 42 times?" It simply loves us, unconditionally, and repeats as many times as needed for the sake of our little soul's enlightenment. Patiently, tirelessly, tenderly.
Twelve Simple Steps to Forgiveness ~ Sonia Choquette
1. Don’t take anything personally.
2. Don’t attack yourself for mistakes.
3. Claim the gifts hidden in perceived injuries.
4. Take responsibility for the part you play in upset and injury.
5. See all events as opportunities to grow and mature your soul.
6. Forgive yourself first.
7. Pray for help in forgiving.
8. Develop a strong sense of humor.
9. Recommit to your goals and get back on track.
10. Count your blessings.
11. Stop rehashing past injuries and don’t talk about them anymore.
12. Talk about today’s positive events.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.