Question: Why does your soulmate always seem to be able to push your buttons like no one else?
There’s a great scene in Sleepless in Seattle where the character Denis Reed tells his sister Annie Reed (Med Ryan) what love really is:
“Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as love is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.”
It’s hilarious and pretty darn true.
We fall in love in order to create a happy ending. For most of us, the only thing standing in the way of that happy ending is our own stuff.
It isn’t so much what happens or doesn’t, what your Beloved does or doesn’t do. It’s how you feel about those things, how you perceive them, and how you let them affect you including affecting how you feel about yourself. Your “stuff” is now tied up with your Beloved’s “stuff” and that means everything that still needs healing for either of you WILL come up. So in a sense, we could say that we subconsciously attract someone who will push our buttons because our soul knows that soulmates are here to help each heal, awaken, and reunite with Source. Whew!
Beloveds are close in ways that are different from every other type of relationship. They are connected on so many levels and in so many ways, many of which are unique to Beloveds. We allow them to see us at our worst and most vulnerable. We give them signals and vibes we don’t give to anyone else. We confide our deepest dreams and fears. We tell them our history. We share physical intimacy. We literally show them where our buttons are!
Did you ever say you would NEVER be with someone like your mom or dad only to discover your beloved shares some of their most loathsome habits or traits? We attract the things from childhood that hurt us or stood in our way before so they can be healed and released. Shift your own thinking into gratitude. Your Beloved is offering you a fine gift – to heal these childhood hurts within the context of a chosen love.
Have you ever noticed how things you adored when you were dating become thorns in your side later? Loving to surprise you with spontaneous gifts becomes blowing the budget. The togetherness you once craved becomes confining. The list is probably long of things that seem different now. The temptation is to say that your Beloved has changed. While that’s possible, what is more likely is that your own context has changed. The rose-colored glasses have fallen off and you have reverted to your old habits, beliefs, opinions, and comfort zone. It happens to everyone as you get to know each other on a day-to-day basis. Once you move in together or get married, your guard comes down a bit. You relax. At some point, the “honeymoon” is over. That’s perfectly normal and natural.
But all this doesn’t have to make for a stressful relationship.
Kind soulmates don’t use this knowledge on purpose, at last not consciously, but it’s hard not to stumble into it. This is where boundaries, personal limits, and communication can become your best friends.
Choose your battles. If everything is annoying you, that says more about you than your Beloved. Pay attention to yourself and your feelings, learn to distinguish between them and rank them. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Learn what’s really important to you and what you can release. Chances are it needs releasing for your sake anyway. Think in terms of getting to know yourself and your preferences better, rather than becoming selfish about your desires. In fact, becoming selfish will only make things worse.
State your preferences, boundaries, and personal limits simply, clearly, calmly, and lovingly to your mate. Refrain from using accusations. Be open to conversation. There may be a reason your Beloved is doing this that you were not aware of. Listen to what they have to say.
And most importantly of all – remember YOU are pushing all their buttons as well! This is truly a case where a little Golden Rule goes a long way so be receptive when they state their own boundaries, preferences, and personal limits.
Anne Wade is the founder and publisher of The Soulmate Dance. She is a writer, educator, life coach, and lifelong student of soulmate relationships, devoted to expanding our understanding of all types of soulmate relationships and experiences.