Reader Question - What do you mean everyone we meet is a soulmate?
So here’s how the story goes: Out there somewhere is one perfect person for me, My Soulmate. Handsome or beautiful, perfectly in sync, romantic, sexy, kind, generous, intelligent, supportive. When we meet, everything in our lives will suddenly and magically be perfect – angels will sing, bells will ring, stars will bling. All our troubles will be over and Happily Ever After will begin immediately. After all, that’s what happens in the movies, right?
Well, not exactly.....
Just Who...or What... are Soulmates?
Soulmates are kindred spirits, but they are not limited to romantic partners. They will cross your path in life in all sorts of ways - family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, lovers, even enemies and people you just flat out don’t like. Soulmates help each other to grow in love and wisdom, to learn life lessons, and to discover universal truth. Anyone with whom you’ve had a significant encounter, even a fleeting one, is a soulmate right down to the stranger on the street who gave you a bright smile in a dark moment transforming your day and your outlook. That fortuitous soulmate came along at just the moment you needed them most. Because the role of soulmates is to help us grow and awaken, all our issues - everything from which we still need to heal, all the baggage we are still carrying - will come up. Who else but a soulmate would willingly and lovingly sign on to help you with that?
We encounter soulmates every single day, and as we learn to appreciate them for what they do for us, we come closer and closer to finding the romantic relationship we desire. Or if we are already in a romantic relationship, we learn more and more about nurturing and sustaining it.
What Is a Soulmate Encounter and How Do We Learn How to Love?
Any human encounter, no matter how fleeting, that brings an Ah-Ha or shifts your outlook in some way is a soulmate encounter. Some revelations can happen in the blink of an eye.
Any relationship that brings you face-to-face with something new, especially some new insight about yourself, is a soulmate relationship. Soulmates help you see yourself more clearly and understand the areas where you could use a little self-growth. And soulmates will be there to hold your hand while you go through the growing pains. Sometimes, when that purposeful hand-holding is done, they move on having fulfilled their function in your life. Significant relationships may not always last long term.
It doesn’t even have to be a relationship that ended well. Sometimes, soulmates agree to play the villain because it’s the best way to help us learn something important for our enlightenment and happiness. Like that !@#$%^&* partner who cheated. It’s human nature to want to reject the idea that they are a soulmate, but what if that experience helped you develop a better sense of self-worth, identify healthier boundaries, or clarify what you do and don’t want in a relationship? Then that experience had tremendous value brought to you by a soulmate who is speeding you on your way to that romantic partner you desire. You may not like the way that life lesson was delivered, but once it’s done, you will love the result.
So What Else Do Non-Romantic Soulmates Do?
In addition to guiding and teaching, they show us how to be happy with ourselves and with all sorts of people in all sorts of situations. They help us learn to love ourselves so we have love to give our Beloved. They help us find the “lost” bits and pieces of ourselves. These are key to calling in that Beloved we crave.
Everyone gets wounded in childhood no matter how happy a home you come from. Things happen and we grieve all of those wounds – physical, emotional, relational. The grief from each of those wounds fractures us, chopping off or hiding some important piece of “who” we are. We develop habits and beliefs based on what we “learn” through our wounds - some helpful, others not so much. This becomes “how” we are. Some wounds make us believe we are dumb or unlovable or...whatever. Those wounds take the pretty picture we want as our lives and turn it into a messy pile of jigsaw puzzle pieces. Our soulmates, romantic and otherwise, are the ones who help us find those pieces and put them together into a picture we like and can love. From Humpty Dumpty to whole.
Aren’t Soulmate Relationships Supposed to Have a Happy Ending?
Depends on your definition of happy. If you mean nothing “bad” ever happens to you, expect to be disappointed. If you mean learning to live with and love “what is,” you’re in luck. But don’t despair - even when things end “badly,” we can still make our own happy endings and our own new beginnings. The more self love you gain the more compassion and understanding you will be able to give and bring into future relationships. This is how we create and nurture happy healthy relationships.
How Can We Start Out So Happy and Still Sometimes Lose Our Bliss?
When we first meet someone with whom we feel a powerful connection, romantic or nonromantic, we ride that wave of giddy happiness and are oblivious to anything that doesn’t match our joyful picture.
Over time, reality sets in and we start seeing our soulmate for real and not through filmy rose-colored glasses. This is where real relationship can start and where many relationships end.
Two scenarios are possible – After the giddiness ebbs and we have been through a period of adjustment and healing, we can create and enjoy a more solid version of the original bliss. Alternatively, one or the other partner may decide they have outgrown the relationship and desire to move on. Learning to mutually respect each other's needs and preferences, even if that means parting, will ensure stronger, healthier, happier relationships.
And Those People We Don't Like?
The people we don’t like help smooth out our rough edges like sandpaper on wood. They give us the opportunity to explore our reactions to other people and circumstances and decide whether those reactions are helping or hindering.
Both our romantic and our nonromantic soulmates teach us much and hold us steady as we navigate all aspects of our lives. Each and every kind of soulmate brings the gift of awakening and the opportunity to learn the real meaning of unconditional love. And who but a soulmate would so lovingly do that for us?
Anne Wade is Teacher, Writer, Mentor, and Coach for courageous women in midlife and beyond who want to disrupt their own status quo and design life on their own terms, even in turbulent times. She has developed the Becoming Found process of going within to find and address the inner barriers we have all inadvertently built up against love, happiness, health, wealth and any other desires of our hearts. Teaching women to unapologetically shine like a superstar and live their legacy is Anne’s mission. You can follow her on her Facebook page “Anne Wade – Becoming found” or join her “Becoming Found” Facebook group.