Reader question - Why all the fuss about having a soulmate? Why not just find someone you can get along well with and settle down? Why does it have to be some big lesson learning thing? People stayed married a lot longer when they weren't looking for a soulmate, but looking for someone to settle down and have a family with.
Satisfying relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and that’s just fine. The one that is best for you is the one that feels best to you. Period.
But here’s a little secret – that life partner you settle down and have a family with? That’s a lesson-learning soulmate relationship, too.
There are four main types of soulmates and whatever kind of relationship you desire fits somewhere:
Karmic soulmates come together specifically for the purpose of teaching or working out an issue. If we understand why they have appeared, we can appreciate them for what they are and not expect something more or different from them.
Ego Mates come into our lives when we are still concerned with how we look to others and what others think of us. Ego Mates are looking outside themselves for fulfillment and are here to help us learn that love is an inside job.
Companion Mates probably come closest to the common view of soulmates. They enjoy a warm and loving long-term relationship, often specifically for raising children or expanding their own understanding of genuine love. While they make excellent romantic partners, they can also be family or close friends. While companion mates do teach, learn, and grow, it is a lovingly shared endeavor.
Your Twin Soul, sometimes called your Twin Flame, is literally the other half of your soul. They resemble Companion Soulmates with additional layers. Twin Souls share a complementary, compatible sense of life purpose and their spiritual natures are in sync though they may express it in very different ways. Anything that still needs healing or learning in either Twin will come up, but there is an underlying sense it is safe for each to go into his/her dark corners and address whatever is lurking, enlightening both.
Any relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and friendship, whether or not for the purpose of raising a family, can be deeply satisfying. There’s no need to fret or apologize if you have chosen to settle down with a loving life partner and people who are in comfortable companionable relationships often take their soulmate status for granted.
Although nearly everyone craves relationship of some kind, the reasons and specific desires are as varied as snowflakes - survival, security, companionship, parenting, loneliness, fear, fun, friendship. Some feel driven to find that Twin Soul connection. Others are completely happy with a loving life partner. Some are born knowing a Twin Soul relationship awaits them in this life. Others find the whole concept way too aerie-faerie and unrealistic.
A myriad of factors – timing, availability, desires, preferences, beliefs, circumstances – all influence our relationship choices. And every choice we make is perfect in its own time and place.
People stayed married a lot longer when they weren't looking for a soulmate, but looking for someone to settle down and have a family with.
When human beings were new, they formed relationships to protect, provide, and procreate. Love may or may not have been a factor. Or maybe love itself was different then. As humans evolved, cultures began adopting various ceremonies for celebrating two people choosing to join together, yet there was still no such thing as marriage as we know it today. That institution, in which the government made people pay for legalizing the union, came about as a way to manage property. Marriages were often arranged and divorce was neither legal nor socially sanctioned. Some of those marriages turned out just fine and the rest stayed together out of resignation, fear, need, or greed.
Even though divorce is much more acceptable today than it was even a hundred years ago, many couples still stay together for those same reasons, while others marry thinking “If it doesn’t work out, I can always divorce.”
Human nature cannot be legislated.
People choose to get married, or not, for many reasons. And they choose to stay together, or not, for just as many. Couples with no intention of having a family have their own motivations for choosing marriage, while others have children without ever wanting marriage. There are as many variations as there are couples.
The answer to this question, as with all questions, lies within you and only you. It starts with knowing yourself well enough to know what you really want. What you personally want may or may not fall in line with what is popular or expected and that’s just fine. If you want a relationship, there is someone - maybe more than one someone - out there who wants the same type of relationship. Staying true to yourself and what’s best for you is the key to connecting with this person. You really can’t get it wrong. Becoming comfortable with your own preferences is essential. That’s how you remain true to them in thought and action as you live your daily life.
Knowing what you really want is essential in knowing how to date and relate productively. If you want marriage and a family, that guy or gal with no interest in either is not a good place to invest your focus. You’ll always be pulling each other in opposite directions. Painful. Instead of trying to change or convince them, set them free, move on, remain friends if you so choose, and keep living in accordance with your own preferred outcome.
Too many folks make the mistake of seeking what they think they are “supposed” to want. Or they know what they want and look in places where that kind of person would never be, fishing in the wrong pond so to speak. It’s seductive to think, “Well I’m here so mightn’t my match be here as well?” Maybe, but probably not. And what kind of signal are you sending if you are hanging out in places the kind of person you want to be with would never frequent? And how does that align with being true to yourself? And why would you waste time that way? If you wonder why you keep meeting the same “wrong” people over and over, look to your own actions and hangouts.
That is how you find the mate who is perfect for you no matter what kind of relationship you seek.
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Anne Wade is Teacher, Writer, Mentor, and Coach for courageous women in midlife and beyond who want to disrupt their own status quo and design life on their own terms, even in turbulent times. She has developed the Becoming Found process of going within to find and address the inner barriers we have all inadvertently built up against love, happiness, health, wealth and any other desires of our hearts. Teaching women to unapologetically shine like a superstar and live their legacy is Anne’s mission. You can follow her on her Facebook page “Anne Wade – Becoming found” or join her “Becoming Found” Facebook group.